Personal, Photography

London living

Last night was my last in London for a while, although hopefully not too long! Despite torrential rained that continued through til 5pm, and it being grey and gloomy, I had a good day shopping and wandering around Oxford street – and managed to meet Josh for lunch!

you can’t beat McDonald’s!

After going back to Josh’s house and rushing to get ready – with the dilemma that none of my new purchases fitted me! I went back to Oxford Street to meet him from work 🙂

We walked through a really sweet park on the edge of Mayfair, which was full of families and little dogs! I sat and painted my nails, and Josh threw bread at pigeons – cool couple or what?
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We walked around Mayfair, looked in Estate Agent windows at houses we will one day be able to afford, and sent snapchat videos to his Godson who didn’t want to go to bed – too cute!

Then we made our way up to Charing’s Cross and Embankment were we found Gordon’s Wine Bar – such a cool place! We bought a bottle of wine for £23 and it was absolutely delicious! I have to admit I had my doubts as to whether or not it was going to be worth it, but it was an we stayed for hours. We talked just like we use to, non stop and about everything.

After that we walked along the river, watched all the boats go by and listened to some of the street musicians. We ended up having dinner at Neds noodle bar, which is a little pricey but so worth it when you have a huge box of yummy noodles in front of you! You can choose whatever you want, even the sauce! And then we headed home.
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I think I sleep-walked for the majority of the journey, and didn’t take long before I was sound asleep!

without a doubt one of the best nights I’ve had in ages xo

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Personal

It’s the climb.

From what feels like the very bottom of everything. It’s really hard to know how to control my actions, my feelings and my words. I know how I’m meant to behave, but it never seems to work the way I’ve planned out.

I’ve tried really hard the last few days to stay calm, breathe, explain how I feel instead of getting angry and spiteful. It’s worked, I’m just scared that when I go home tomorrow it will go back to how it was before the weekend. I realise when I’m about to get angry, and then I have what feels like a panic attack. I can’t breathe, I get dizzy and I feel like my heart’s going to explode. I can’t win with myself.

I’m not one to change so quickly. I’ve looked into seeing someone though, a counsellor or someone who can help me. It’s taken a long time to get it sorted, but I’m hoping by next week it’ll be underway. It seems like such a huge sign of weakness. To have to give in and admit you need help. But when it gets to the point that you’re starting to hurt people around you, something needs to be done.

It will be okay

I’m spending my morning on Oxford Street today, and despite being insanely poor, I need to treat myself to something.

To anyone still reading, thank you.

Personal, travel

Finally, a perfect day.

After an incredibly difficult week, it felt so good to finally be able to see and hug my boyfriend again.

We had an amazing lie in and didn’t leave the house until nearly one in the afternoon. We bought a day ticket for the underground and planned to see loads of new places, but instead we did the usual.

We got off at Covent Garden, listen to some fantastic music. This band were amazing. Violins and a cello were being played backwards, under the legs, behind the neck all whilst clapping, cheering and dancing. It was so upbeat and enthusiastic. I really hope they made a lot of money today.
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We bought some drinks from Tesco, and found coke bottles With both our names on them!! happy days!

We strolled through Covent Garden, walked along to St Paul’s Cathedral, down to Charing’s Cross, Embankment and then all along the water, over a bridge to the eye and then past Big Ben towards St James’ Park where we finally stopped for lunch. Which was a Tesco finest meal deal. talk about supporting our employers.

We sat in the sun for an hour or so, people watching, bird watching and just enjoying the quiet. We picked up a balloon near the OXO towers, a music hall had an event where hundreds of balloons were floating around and each one had an act of kindness written on them. It was such a beautiful idea. They were all bright colours and people all over the city had them.

After that we made our way down to Victoria to catch the train home. We hardly stopped talking all day, it was just like when we first started going out.

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It was perfect.

Uncategorized

Tug of war.

You’re pulling on the strings of my heart.

One minute you love me,
the next you’re full of hate.

I’m smiling as your name comes up on my screen,
only seconds before launching it against the wall,
your words are full of spite.

I’m crying, screaming, and shaking with rage.
Rage at myself for destroying everything I love.

The laughs that echo around me only tear me apart,
knowing that someone you once loved is nothing more than a joke to you.

Tug of war, who will win?
Hate or love?
Let’s begin.

Uncategorized

The Bipolar Bible…

…is a free book I stumbled upon through iBooks.

The author describes his journey of emotions, feelings, highs and lows of growing up and overcoming the darker times in his life. I’ve only read the first few chapters and it’s already making me feel less alone. Not happier, or even more positive, but somewhere within me I’m hoping that’ll be me soon, coming out on the other side.

He expresses how people have treated him like a lower form of human being, as a joke, as someone unworthy and it is insane how true he is. How people with mental illnesses are treated as a lower class of people.

Let me make this clear, I haven’t been diagnosed with anything and I’m not claiming I have any sort of mental illness, although I am fairly sure I’ve got mild cases of something or other. Maybe I’m just a complete bitch, but I certainly have a lot of anger in me for someone who’s had a pretty amazing life so far.

I just wish more people would speak out, so others didn’t feel so alone.

I wish someone would speak to me, so I didn’t feel so alone.

Photography, travel

Guten morgen, Deutschland

Hello! Back on my travels again… This time in Germany. After this morning, I will try an update every day. So please excuse the double post and cramming of photographs, there are quite a few already!

After having to wake up at 3am on Monday morning, we had a fairly long journey considering we are just over the little stretch of sea. The flight was great, when we finally checked in through the backlog of people waiting to get on flights after theirs had been cancelled the day before. We had a bacon and tomato croissant – deeeelicious! and had landed before we had time to think.

I was itching to have a real pretzel and an Apfel schorle! Which thankfully we bought as soon as we reached the other side of the airport. When we picked up the car, which was meant to be a Volvo people carrier it turns out Dad’s friend upgraded us with something a little more special. A BMW 520i station wagon. An absolute beast of a car.

We were in Rüdesheim in time for lunch and it was great to see everyone again!
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We had a walk around the market place and then along the river, had a nap and then went to dinner at a great place that we’ve all been going to for years called Da Toni! A lovely little place which does great Gnocchi! We stayed out past 11 and were the last to leave aside from the staff, but what a fantastic evening!

DAY TWO – MONTAG.

Another fantastic day! Woke up in time for breakfast with the parents! First German breakfast in years, and so worth the wait! Everything was just fantastic. We went to Wiesbaden for a couple of hours, and had a Karstadt lunch which to be honest was pretty rubbish! before heading off to see some fantastic family friends.

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They live in a place called St. Goarshausen set quite out of the way and it’s so peaceful. Mum and Dad stayed there for their honeymoon and have been going back ever since, mainly with us! we’ve grown up around this family and they have always taken care of us, kept in touch, bought us presents, made us cakes. They are such incredibly wonderful people. It was just so fantastic to go back and see everyone after FIVE YEARS! the grounds are beautiful as well, with so many memories.

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After talking for hours, we rushed back to Rüdesheim to get ready for dinner with the Heymach family.. Probably our oldest friends! or should I say, friends we have known the longest.

We went to a restaurant, castle, land, called Schloss Vollrads… What an absolutely stunning place. We sat on the terrace and when the temperature finally cooled down it was perfect. I ate about ten baskets of bread, and a delicious blattsalat! We drunk about 7 different wines and most of them were given to us by a very funny, generous man named Dr. Hepp. It was a hilarious evening, and everything was perfect.
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Now I’m just about to start day three.

Bis später! ❤