Personal, Uncategorized

Worth the wait.

It has taken me over 6 weeks to finally see someone, talk to someone, have someone help me. Maybe longer, two months maybe. A ridiculously long time for someone to not give a ounce of care about something that I personally think is rather a big deal.

I’m sick and tired of panicking every time I hear a door bang, or someone raises their voice. I’m tired of snapping at random people for walking to close to me, or telling me to ‘cheer up’.

I found the most amazing quote the other day.

Asking someone why they are so unhappy when they have such a good life, is like asking an asthmatic why can’t they breathe when there is so much air

On line, there are so many people who would seem to understand that quote. I can go on tumblr and meet hundreds of people who seem to care or offer support, yet in real life, no one seems to even want to understand, let alone anyone that actually does. Thanks tumblr.

I finally got to speak to a doctor today, who seemed to also be a psychotherapist and she was absolutely lovely! One of the kindest, most understanding and caring people I have ever spoke to in my life. I know it’s kind of her job, but there are a lot of people in jobs they hate, just for a pay-cheque. This woman deserves an award. She had read through my files, asked if anything was getting better or worse, and then I had to retell the story again. She didn’t just take my word for it, she asked about things she thought might have happened, which I had clearly forgotten. Things I would have kicked myself over later.

She said how well I was doing, and how I was taking a huge step that most people would not do. She said I was clearly intelligent, and a thinker (both good and bad) and she asked who I had for support, and gave me numbers of people I could call if I didn’t have anyone around me. 
She could be my best friend any day. 
It’s such a draining thing to keep talking about, keep admitting how stupid I was, have been, and it’s embarrassing, but talking to people who can reassure me I’m not crazy, that I’m behaving completely normal for the process I’m dealing with, does in fact make me feel a little better.
Thank you.
Uncategorized

Ghosts that we knew

You saw my pain, washed out in the rain
And broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins
But you saw no fault, no cracks in my heart
And you knelt beside my hope torn apart

But the ghosts that we knew
Will flicker from view
And we’ll live a long life

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
Cos oh they gave me such a fright
But I will hold as long as you like
Just promise me we’ll be alright

So lead me back, turn south from that place
And close my eyes to my recent disgrace
Cos you know my call and will share my all
And our children come they will hear me roar

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
Cos oh they gave me such a fright
But I will hold as long as you like
Just promise me we’ll be alright

Hold me still bury my heart on the coals
Hold me still bury my heart next to yours

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
Cos oh they gave me such a fright
But I will hold on with all of my might
Just promise me we’ll be alright

But the ghosts that we knew
Made us black and all blue
But we’ll live a long life
And the ghosts that we knew
Will flicker from view
And we’ll live a long life

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