Decluttering my head.

Lately I seem to be making some irrational decisions, and I have come to the conclusion that my life is an a fairly unstable mess.

With few friends, only a part time job and a shed-load of debt, finding the positives becomes a little difficult some days. Especially when you’ve just messed up the most wonderful relationship because your brain decides to tell you nasty things and fill your head with insecurities.

You often hear, “All girls are crazy!”, and right now, I feel as crazy as they come.

I have decided on a few ‘things’ to help me work through my cluttered mind, body and soul. (Yes, all of it. It’s a mess.)

  • Forgiveness – I have so many angry, upsetting memories that I just can’t let go of, but I have decided that I must. They are poisoning me. I will forgive people for what they have done wrong to me, I will forgive myself for my wrong-doings, and I will forgive myself for not taking care of myself when I needed it the most. I feel like this is a fundamental part of moving forward with my life.
  • Recognize my accomplishments – another negative is that I constantly put myself down about absolutely everything, despite having two University degrees and having worked 4 jobs throughout one of them. I can hold a conversation in at least two languages, and am trying to learn more. I can cook, sew, make a pretty decent coffee, I am creative, clever, occasionally hilarious and almost always kind to others. They don’t seem like such bad attributes right? So why, why, why, do I have such a negative opinion of myself? This is going to stop. Right now.
  • Breathing – Although I STILL haven’t been to a yoga class (it’s been 3 years I’ve been saying I’ll go, and I still haven’t.) I am starting to learn to breathe differently. I breathe to calm myself down, to relax, to think, to just be. It is absolutely unbelievable how much breathing properly helps in stressful situations. I am going to make even more of an effort to relax, breathe, and unwind during my days. Part of this will include finding a yoga class I can afford, and try and find an effective way to meditate.
  • Self-talk  – I constantly beat myself up and let my worries completely take over my mind, causing stress to my body and bringing out the worst in myself. I tell myself I’m useless, worthless, stupid, horrible and many other things. This will stop, as I said above, and I mean it. I am going to practice self-talk to bring more positive vibes into my mind, and to help rebuild my confidence (which is currently at about -10000). Negative self-talk can be immensely, emotionally crippling and damage our health more than we often realize, and I am going to stop it. I found an interesting article on Spirituality & Health on the benefits of Self-Talk, written by Linda Carbone.
  • WRITE MORE! I have noticed how little I write these days, compared to a year or two ago when I would fill notebook after notebook with thoughts and ideas and emotions. I am confident that by writing out my worries I can reflect better, and release my thoughts from my head, rather than bottling them up inside me, which leads to…
  • Being more open – I worry too often about hurting someone else’s feelings, therefore I keep my opinions or feelings to myself. If I feel that someone has been unkind, or is pushing me out, I let it bubble up inside and hurt myself, rather than discussing the issue. I 100% will be more open about what I am thinking and feeling, as this as once again caused a break down in certain relationships recently.

Whilst I have a few other options in the background (I am exercising more, and looking into mindfulness), I am going to start with these pointers and hope that they begin to make a difference.

If anyone has any thoughts or advice, please feel free to leave them in the comments section! xo

The Grandma’s Weekender

So today is our second proper day in Magalluf and so far so good. The weather is beautiful – clear skies, warm and sunny! although everyone else seems to be complaining about how cold it is. Typical English people!

Our first night, Thursday, consisted of me waiting from 6pm until 11pm for Melissa to arrive, before a quick change of clothes and heading out onto the strip for ‘just one drink’.

Who were we trying to fool?!

One became three, five, seven with a couple of shots inbetween, stealing a party hat from someone and Melissa winning a game of pool by accidently potting all of her balls in about 5 seconds. too funny!

I think it’s safe to say we were far too worse for wear to do much yesterday until about 2pm.. Before that we just lay by the pool, feeling very sorry for ourselves and vowing not to drink again. yeah right, like you haven’t heard that before.

My credit has run out already, after less than 48 hours.. Surely it shouldn’t be that hard to just turn my phone off for a week? Loads of places here have wifi, but since Melissa isn’t too fussed about using her phone I’m trying to do the same.

The food we’ve had so far has been really tasty- nachos, pasta, Mcdonalds! haha.. And I bought some bread and jam from the supermarket to save buying snacks every 5 seconds.

The place is busier than I expected, and certainly can see how bad it must get during the high season. Exactly why we said we would never come to Magalluf. We are constantly being pressured into bar crawls, crazy nights out with free flow shots, 2-4-1 on all spirits, free tshirts, oh, as long as you pay €40 odd. nooooo thank you!

We agreed yesterday that we probably should have looked at staying on a different part of the island, but it’s not too bad for now. The hotel is much better than we expected, as the hotel we stayed in in Kavos was absolutely vile. The people are relatively friendly and the beaches are lovely. What spoils it? English people. The rude and sleazy English people. Melissa overheard numerous Spanish people saying the same thing.. And I feel sorry for the locals.

People think we’re crazy for not being in a severe state of intoxication all day and night, but we’re perfectly content in spending the day wandering around, tanning and having a decent meal before going back to the hotel.

Yesterday my toe started swelling up so much that it was awfully painful just to touch, let alone walk on, and so I started getting a bit worries.. Now I’ve woken up and it’s completely fine. Hmmm…

The Magalluf weekender? we don’t think so. We were in bed by half 10 last night drinking Green Tea and both reading our books. Beaaaaaaaaut holiday 🙂

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