Living with depression.

I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to live a ‘normal’ life whilst dealing with depression. Yet, here I am. Working 50+ hours a week. Eating properly. Going to the gym. Making travel plans. Trying to make new friends. Days go by where I think, wow! Maybe I’ve finally recovered! And then it hits me. It hits me in a way that I’ve never felt depression before. As if I’m letting my depression down by functioning. It is engulfing. Rather than feeling stronger, for functing with depression, I feel weak for trying to move on with my life. Then, the overwhelming waves of terrifying thoughts seep back into my brain and force themselves out again through floods of tears. Sometimes, I wonder, why I ever pushed myself to start living again when everything else is pulling me back to the world of utter despair and darkness.