The words I had to tell myself this morning as I spent over half an hour scrolling through various social media feeds, wading through utter nonsense that I shouldn’t be wasting my time on.
I had to forcefully tell myself to get up and do my morning breathing and exercise rituals that I have set for myself.
I fed myself some positive vibes, straight from my own mind and made myself a 4-cup dripper full of coffee as I read through my mindfulness book.
It’s working, honestly.
Even if my days are not 100% positive I am already feeling a little more confident, a little less angry at the world, and a little more proud of myself. Despite that evil voice in my head that tries to suffocate me, I am learning to fight back.
7.30am Alarm. Snooze. Alarm. Snooze.
8.00am Boil the kettle.
8.02am Have a cup of tea.
The day begins with a bit of doodling whilst having my cup of tea, followed by a mad panic of jumping in the shower, throwing a handful of clothes around in a rush of deciding what does and doesn’t look right. Grabbing a bottle of water, rushing out of the day and shuffling down that awful hill to uni.
9.15am Wow, what a quick walk that was!
Nip across to Greggs to indulge in a bacon and cheese wrapped croissant and sat under an apple tree drinking my orange and passionfruit juice – so cliche.
Lots of shuffling going on outside room SR-A06, mostly from me, the awkward only-masters student, surrounded by eager undergrads and as we all pile into the classroom, swiftly followed by a quiet teacher, it all begins.
好。 很好。 你好。
The awkward late-commers having no seats forced my mouth into saying what my brain was already thinking.
“I’m sorry but I think this class is going to be too easy for me.”
Off I go.
Walking up those damned heels again, mint-pointy shoes rubbing against my ankles and the sun beaming down onto my back.
Put the washing on, had a bit of a tidy up and wandered down to my cousin’s house to chill out, watch Alfie walk and listen to Olivia repeat “Eh eh ehhhh” a few hundred times.
Picked up a couple of reduced throws and cushions for our boring living room and now it looks much better!
Spent a good few hours studying my Chinese vocab book in Costa, with a rip-off large Mocha with whipped cream and chocolate, accompanied by a lemon&poppy seed muffin. Softened by the dreamy voice of Passenger in a desperate attempt to drown out the gossiping trio who decided to sit right in front of me.
The Events Society meeting was tonight, where I met some lovely ladies and a few gentlemen. Signed myself up for a couple of jobs this week and then a few of us sat in the beer garden munching on free chips and talking about Freshers and travelling.
An evening with the housemates consisted of Catfish, Eastenders, Cilla and Family Guy. A continuous flickering of the volume switch and a desperate attempt to find the right time to have a drunken pizza and movie night. Thursday. That’s what we decided.
My room is still a mess. Along with my face. And my timetable.