So, you’re dealing with the after-math of a break up, right? How’s it going? Are you throwing all evidence in the nearest bin? Are you throwing things across the room? Crying yourself to sleep each night? Or are you on the other side of the table? Partying, celebrating, being ‘you’ again?
Whichever side you’re on, it’s not always that easy in the following days, weeks or even months after a break up and the most vital piece of information is this:
Treating yourself well during the post-breakup period — whether you initiated the split or were on the receiving end — is a must.
You matter. You are important. You will get through this.
My top tips for dealing with a break up would be:
1. Treat yourself.
Ladies: Get your nails done, get a hair cut (or at least go to the hairdressers to have them wash your hair – it’s amazing how relaxing this can be), have coffee with your friends, buy yourself a new outfit or handbag, treat yourself to a nice lunch in your favourite cafe or restaurant.
Remember: You don’t need someone else to make you happy, you can be happy by yourself.
Guys: Hair cut? Why not?! Enjoy the tv without fighting over the remote. Enjoy watching the football / basketball / rugby with your mates. Grab a beer or coffee with friends.
Spending time with friends and family is important as they will be there to support you and, hopefully, help you look forward to the future. Be with people who don’t care if you cry hideously or need to express your anger or upset about the situation. You can’t shut away your emotions and the best way to express yourself is with those who you can trust and will not judge you.
2. Don’t dwell on the past and look forward.
You broke up for a reason and it’s time to move on, okay? You don’t have to hate the person, you don’t have to be nasty. You can move on positively. Learn from the relationship.
Although you’re unable to alter the past, you can always learn from your mistakes. If nothing else, lessons can always be learned from a failed relationship.
Zoe Griggs via Thought Catalog
I know some people stay friends with their exes – and this isn’t something I do, because I don’t think it helps you move on (unless you have a child together or perhaps work together, situations obviously play a big part in this situation).
It’s perfectly okay to look back and be happy about the good times you had together, but don’t ignore the issues you had. There are obviously reasons you broke up and you have to remind yourself of them and that your relationship wasn’t working out. If you’re not objective you’ll struggle to move on.
I know it’s hard. You’ve lost, maybe, your best friend, someone you thought was your soulmate or partner for life, but this happens. It can happen at any time in your life. After 50 years of marriage, after 50 days of going out. You’re not alone and it will get easier.
If you’re not throwing everything in the bin, I suggest you find a box or a folder to put everything in. Whether they’re cards, presents, receipts or movie tickets. Put them all together in one box and put it under your bed, in your wardrobe or somewhere else out of sight. One day you will, hopefully, look back and have happier memories of the time you two spent together, but right now it may be upsetting to go through those memories. Certainly don’t replay days or moments over and over again.
3. Stay active – get moving and be healthy!
It’s so easy to stay in bed and cry all night, or watch Netflix in your PJs and cry all day. Don’t. The odd afternoon or evening is perfectly acceptable and it’s most likely going to happen, but don’t let this be a daily occurrence. It absolutely will not help you. You have to get moving!
Keep telling yourself you’re going to hit the gym? Now’s the time!
This is the perfect opportunity to keep yourself focused on something else, something that will benefit you greatly in the long run too.
Get yourself to the gym, pool or even work out at home – jumping jacks, squats, skipping, hula-hooping! Whatever it is, get those endorphins flowing!
It’ll help you build your confidence, maybe make some new friends AND it gives you the chance to put yourself first. There are some additional tips here at Fitness Republic.
4. Take care of yourself!
I’m sure this goes without saying that you need to be kinder to yourself – maybe you don’t feel like eating, perhaps you can’t sleep…
Eat SOMETHING – Eat toast and peanut butter. Eat a banana. Eat pot noodles. You have to eat something. Make sure you’re drinking plenty of water, especially if you’re not sleeping. Don’t constantly pig out on pizzas, chocolate and beer because that will not help you, even if you think it will.
Sleep – If you’re up half the night overthinking, you’ll exhaust yourself. It’s perfectly reasonable to nap in the day if you need to, but make sure you are sleeping. I know I have barely slept in a week. The bags under my eyes are practically suitcases and my headache hasn’t yet gone away. It’s to be expected.
Read – Quotes. Books. Self-help articles. Whatever keeps you from completely breaking down. Do it. I often read through my ‘mindfulness’ books for advice on how to keep calm, how to look after myself. They work a real treat!
Personally, Pinterest is my go-to place when I’m feeling down because of the never-ending amount of quotes. Positive quotes. Break up quotes. Happiness quotes. Motivational Quotes.
Even now, I’m on Pinterest trying to support myself with ‘break up quotes‘ and listening to my ‘Moving on’ playlist I made on Youtube a few years ago.
Write – I always find writing helps. Write about how you’re feeling in some way. If you’re blogging, writing in a journal, trying out poetry, it doesn’t matter. You don’t even have to share any of these words but believe me, they help cleanse your mind. It’s like an escape. A release of emotions through the pen (or keyboard). However, don’t use this opportunity to slate them on Facebook / Twitter / Instagram because all it will do is make you look like the bad person, not them. Remember, you’re trying to move on positively.
Self love. Self care. Make yourself a priority.
You do what you need to do move on, but be kind to yourself.
These are just my pieces of advice and of course, there are hundreds of way to take care of yourself, to get over someone, to move on from a relationship. However, you have to start somewhere and this is my ‘go-to’ list.
I’ve lost my best friend, my ‘wifey4lifey’ tag no longer means anything, my engagement ring is tucked away in my jewelry box and yes, I’m crying myself to sleep most nights.
I’ve tried to clear my social media accounts of our photos, deleted him from Facebook and un-followed his blog. Deleted his number and email. Cleared my phone of our photos and silly moments.
What happened is for the best, for both of us, but it still hurts and undoubtedly will do for a while. We had lots of fun and I will keep many of our memories close to my heart, but as I said, we broke up for a reason and now it’s my turn to toughen up and move on.