Personal, Uncategorized

“That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful.”
Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation
I stumbled across this quote this afternoon and I can relate to it so much. Maybe, if I could see a light, or an end, or something up in the distance that made sense, then maybe this constant struggle would be tolerable. If I knew it would do me some good, somewhere in the future. I know we appreciate things more once the struggle is over, once you’ve lost something, all of those cliche sayings that we know are true. However, dealing with depression on a daily basis feels like I’m at war with myself, and I’m losing drastically. I just want to know that it’s going to be worth the fight in the end. Anyone else?

Uncategorized

Tug of war.

You’re pulling on the strings of my heart.

One minute you love me,
the next you’re full of hate.

I’m smiling as your name comes up on my screen,
only seconds before launching it against the wall,
your words are full of spite.

I’m crying, screaming, and shaking with rage.
Rage at myself for destroying everything I love.

The laughs that echo around me only tear me apart,
knowing that someone you once loved is nothing more than a joke to you.

Tug of war, who will win?
Hate or love?
Let’s begin.